A Gut Wrenching Goodbye...

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  Posted by Tweek April 17, 2012 - Filed in Personal Journal - 823 views
  

  So, after almost 3 months and a whole lotta BS, the ex finally met with me yesterday, to return some of my belongings.  I hadn't laid eyes on him for close to 5 months.  Now, I know what some of you are thinkin'.  Why was it gut wrenching?  It's been over for a long time,  MOVE ON, ALREADY...right?  Well, if you've been around for a minute, you know some of the story, and if not, suffice it to say, the relationship ended under very ambiguous circumstances.  Where I thought I still had a relationship, because of what I was led to believe, in reality, a whole other relationship, including the impending birth of a child, was happening.  A whole lot of tears later, I am finally getting to the point of closure, but a couple of things HAD to happen first.  And gettin' my belongings back was one of them. 
  

  What I wasn't really counting on, were the feelings, seeing him again, stirred up in me.  I was DEEPLY in love with this man, and I'm not a water faucett, where feelings can just be shut off.  No matter what the circumstance.  And how I just wanted to hold him...
  

  But that will never happen again.  He told me all about his new life.  And showed me the latest pics of his newborn son.  I listened half-heartedly, and lamented the life, that we ALMOST got to have.  Remember, I said I LOVED him?  And there was a point in time, when I would've forgiven him, almost anything.  But this...
  

  We hugged one another, he apologized yet again, told me he still loved me, and went on his way. And then, I came home and cried.  Because I knew, that would probably be, the last time we ever saw one another.  And after three years, of a once in a life-time kind of love, it's a gut-wrenching realization.
  

  I have forgiven him. I DO wish him well ,and hope that he will be happy in his new life.  And God willing, maybe someday...so will I.