Looking for a Reason Why

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  Posted by blurplebuzz August 15, 2012 - Filed in Personal Journal - 570 views
  

   

  Keep looking for a reason for why life is so hard on some & so easy on others. My sister is on her deathbed & she is about the nicest person you could ever meet,been happily married for a little ovr 25 yrs. Some of you know from my earlier post/blog tht she survived the surgery & chemo early last year for stomach cancer. recently she relapsed & the doctors went back in & found the cancer had spread rapidly in the last few months.

  She is somewhat comfortable now, the painkillers are making it tolerable for her,yet she cant communicate except in fits n starts,the drugs for the pain have taken her away from us before she even has passed on. I spent part of my morning talking w/my bro in law and sitting bedside w/her. Its pretty disturbing to say the least,watching someone who just a year & a half ago was doing great go down so quickly. Now I realize why she insisted on going on vacation w/the family last month instead of staying home n taking it easy. She knew it was her last opportunity to hang with us,in a place she loved so dearly Lake Tahoe. Her suffering has made things even tuffer w/me, as I feel helpless to stop the progress of this terrible disease,and I am going thru a lot of stuff myself emotionally which makes it very hard to imagine her being gone & the empty space that will be left behind in my family. In a sense I really dont want to believe her time has come yet after seeing her today, I know the look,feel,the air about her is tinged w/tht sad aura of death.

  Eventually I will come to grips with it,when? I am unsure,yet I do know I will be strong for the rest of my family as I have always been the rocksteady one among us,when it comes to these sorts of matters.Then sometime when I am alone I will spill my grief quietly and curse the universe for allowing her to die,while allowing the scumbags in the world to continue being..I am sick of seeing the bad guys win,while good folk go down into the dirt.

  So if you have a loved one,hug em & tell them how much ya love em,you never know when it will be the last time you get the chance too.Do something special,make every moment count for it could all be gone in an instant.Never let someone tell you it dont matter there is always tomorrow, there may not be a tomorrow for any of us,cherish those precious moments with loved ones. I am sharing this in the hopes that it release's some of my pain & serves as a heads up to those of you who may need one. Never take one day,one hour one minute for granted w/loved ones. 

  Stay Safe & Enjoy the Ride