10. I Hate Every Bone in Her Body but Mine

 

9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed with an Ugly Woman but I Woke Up with Quite a Few

 

8. If the Phone Don’t Ring, You'll Know It's Me

 

7. I've Missed You, but My Aim's Improvin'

 

6. Wouldn't Take Her to A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win

 

5. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here

 

4. My Wife Ran Off with My Best Friend And I Miss Him

 

3. She Took my Ring and Gave Me the Finger

 

2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer

 

1. It's Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chewed my Ass All Day

My Life has become a country song...

The perfect country song:

SPOKEN:
WELL, A FRIEND OF MINE NAMED STEVE GOODMAN WROTE THAT SONG AND
HE TOLD ME IT WAS THE PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG. I WROTE
HIM BACK A LETTER AND I TOLD HIM IT WAS NOT THE PERFECT COUNTRY
& WESTERN SONG BECAUSE HE HADN'T SAID ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT MAMA,
OR TRAINS, OR TRUCKS, OR PRISON, OR GETTIN' DRUNK. WELL HE SAT
DOWN AND WROTE ANOTHER VERSE TO THE SONG AND HE SENT IT TO ME,
AND AFTER READING IT, I REALIZED THAT MY FRIEND HAD WRITTEN THE
PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG. AND I FELT OBLIGED TO INCLUDE IT
ON THIS ALBUM. THE LAST VERSE GOES LIKE THIS HERE:

WELL, I WAS DRUNK THE DAY MY MOM GOT OUT OF PRISON
AND I WENT TO PICK HER UP IN THE RAIN
BUT BEFORE I COULD GET TO THE STATION IN MY PICKUP TRUCK
SHE GOT RUNNED OVER BY A DAMNED OLD TRAIN

p.s. almost happy birthday Jeff my friend.. I hope it is the very best one yet!!!