12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio:
1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'
2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'
3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'
4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'
5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my god !! What have I just said??'
6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'
7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'
9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '
10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'
11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'
12.. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'
An Arab enters a taxi in New York . . .
Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and, in the time of the prophet, there was no music, certainly no radio, and especially Western music which is music of the infidel.
So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, stops the cab and opens the back door.
The Arab asks him, "What are you doing?”
The cabby answers, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis.... So get the f--- out and wait for a camel.!!!
I was in a pub last night. Had a few....
I noticed two large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are
you two ladies from Scotland?"
One of them chirped: "It's WALES you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said..., "Sorry, are
you two whales from Scotland ?"
That's the last thing I remember til I woke up this morning...
