Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.







An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple-a bambinos. "

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with anudder man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'time's up'?"

At least I would be safe, ha ha.

Good one , lmao

Nice thanks,

Ethnic jokes! - Somebody said "ethnic jokes"?

A German tourist arrives at Athens airport & is taken aside for a passport check.

The immigration officer asks him "Occupation?"

He replies "Not this time, just a vacation."

Speaking of ethnic jokes.

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

''This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.''

''Yes, I remember him as a baby.'' says the other mother cheerfully.

"He's a martyr now though." the mother confides.

"Oh, so sad dear...'' says the other.

''And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.''

''Oh, I remember him,'' says the other happily, ''he had such curly hair when he was born.''

''He's a martyr too...'' says the mother quietly.

''Oh, gracious me...'' says the other.

''And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18'', she whispers.

"Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, ''I remember when he first started school...''

''He's a martyr also,'' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says . . .

"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

^^^ I know this is wrong but that was funny.

A couple of Jewish cousins are chatting over lunch.
"So, Bernie tell me about your son, has he finished college yet?"
"Funny you should mention that, we sent our Bernard off to California to get an education and learn about life, and today he sends us an email that he met a girl and is going to get married and become a Christian! Almost killed his mother!I"
"Funny you should mention that!', his cousin says. "We sent our son Jerome to Europe to study medicine and to learn something about life and he called us last week to say he was going to become a Christian!"
"This sounds like a serious problem in our culture, and we better go ask the Rabbi for advice" Bernie said.
So, they go see the Rabbi who, after hearing their stories, ripped his robe and cried out,
"Ahhh! Funny you should mention that, just last month the very same thing happened to my brother and his wife! They sent their son off to Utah to study and learn something about life and he came back a Christian! We have a problem in our community we must take up with God Himself!"
So, in they all go to pray.
"Oh God of Abraham and Jacob, we have a serious problem here! We have sent our sons away to learn about life, and they have come back Christians!"
Suddenly a clap of thunder breaks forth, and a pillar of fire appears and a mighty voice says,
"Funny you should mention that..."

I'm lovin' it...

(I have-a this-a stranga urge-a, to speaka witha lotta emphasis'a ona the enna words, tho...ahhh)
and I suddenly crave spaghetti...lol

RIde Free
Tweek

German food?
Very tasty but an hour later you are hungry

For Power

I just had to copy Tribalblue's bit to my facebook. Thanks.

A Swede arrives at a Finn’s house with a litre bottle of vodka. The Finn silently lets him into the dining room where the Swede sits at the table with the bottle.
Not a word is spoken.
The Finn goes off and returns with two vodka glasses. The Swede fills the two glasses with the vodka, and they begin to drink.
Not a word is spoken.
After much silence and a half-empty bottle, the Swede ventures a comment: “Good vodka, this, heh?”.
At this, the Finn slaps the Swede across the face and shouts:
“Did you come here to talk or to drink?”

Back in his business days, Mitt Romney was visiting some of his employees in the hospital. The first one he saw was a dock worker who had to have hemorrhoid surgery.
"How are they treating you?" he asked. "Is the care sufficient and helpful?"
"Ok, I guess" the man said, " They have me take a couple of aspirin every few hours for the pain and in the mornings I have to scrub the stitches with antiseptic and a soft bristle brush."
"Good, good" Mitt said, and moved to the next person. "How about you? What are you here for, and is the care sufficient and doing you any good?"
"Well, it's kinda embarrassing, but I'm here for a venereal disease. They give me aspirin for the pain, and every morning they give me antiseptic and a soft bristled brush to clean the affected area."
"I see, I see" Mitt said, and moved to the next person. "What are you here for young lady? Are they taking care of you?"
She nodded, and pointed to her jaw and said with great difficulty "Wisdom teeth....cut out my wisdom teeth. Aspirin every 3 hours for pain...brush gums every morning with antiseptic and soft bristled brush."
"Well," Mitt said "I came to let you know we miss you all and want you to get better as soon as possible. Now if there is anything, anything at all I can do..."
The young lady sat up and with great effort said "Please...Please...tomorrow morning...can I go first with the brush?"

OMG! I'm laffin so hard I'm cryin and the GF wants to know why... So I read them to her and she giggles.
women...

 Didn’t know we could paste political humor here. Great, let’s rock.

 

In 2013 the phone rings and the lady of the house answers, ‘Hello.’
‘Mrs. Sven Wachovoksky, please.’ - ‘Speaking.’
‘Mrs. Wachovoksky, this is Doctor Jones at Axelrod Labs & Lube.
‘When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Sven Wachovoksky arrived as well.’
‘We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.’
‘What do you mean?’ Mrs. Wachovoksky asks nervously.
‘Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can’t tell which is which.’
‘That’s dreadful! Can you do the test again?’ questioned Mrs. Wachovoksky.
‘We used to be able to, but per the guidelines of the Obama Care Advisory Panel we are no longer authorized to conduct these expensive tests on people your age.’
‘Well, what am I supposed to do now?’
‘Well, we are not sure but let me call President Obama & have him call you right back – He is so wise I am sure he will have the answer we need.’
Sure enough the very next day
‘Mrs. Wachovoksky  this is President Obama, now listen carefully’. – “Take your husband to a strange place & drop him off’. – ‘If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him.’